Knowing that the narcissistic pervert does not consider it a problem, the therapies have not taken him.
It is extremely rare that it exchange or willing to change their attitudes or moral values.
So there are only two solutions:
- Stay and accept the rule, with a sense of moving towards its own destruction;
- Go and be free. This is a very difficult because she is in pain and guilt.
Namely: the wicked never abandons his victim without reacting.
However, this solution is more reasonable.
Yes, don't stay. Go. And Never look back. Before I left I was close to suicide. Really. I had lost 2 stones (that was the only benefit of his cruaulty !). And yet I had always been such a positive, happy person ; but yes that's what attracts the PN, our "Joie de Vivre". That's how he gets his kick, by destroying every happiness in you. I was with him 10 years. We have 2 gorgeous children - I believed all his lies - And it is true that he doesn't abandon but I learnt how to deflect the situation by remaining cool and indifferent to all his crualty and manipulation as I know that if I showed any anger or hurt it would please him and make him even more crual. I feel alive again. The day I left, I felt a huge weight had been lifted. I actually felt it as if someone had taken their heavy hands off my shoulders and I felt free. There is a way to counter manipulate those people. You have to find it by trials and error. Try not to show any wickness and carry on appearing as someone happy as he will hate the fact that he hasn't been able to destroy you. Never ever believe him, whatever normal and kind he seems. But sometime you can play the game and make him think that you believe his lies. He is such a good liar. And yes, so talented in every way, and kind-looking and soft. It is real. PN so exist. But yes, they look totally normal to others. Mine still gives me gifts (he can't stand not to be loved by me anymore) and yet before I left he was so crual. He has got someone else but tells me that he has never been so unhappy and that he wants us to get back together. His new girlfriend is a nice girl as well and I say that knowing that she was having an affair with him while we were still together and that in a way she is the root of our separation. But I thank her silently because she was the cause of our separation and I can say that she saved my life as I would certainly still be with him thinking that what he was putting me through was normal. Please, please, whoever you are leave. And don't look back. One day if not yet, you will feel so happy again.
ReplyDeleteand what can one say to those who decide to stay ? are we completly stupid? I only found out I was living with a PN after 35years. Before then I didn't even know what a PN was and I am still here after 38years and digging my own grave! I know it but I can not let go of the idea things really are changing for the better....very gradually I have to say and one of us will probably die of old age before heaven clears up completly. What keeps me hanging on ? Not him, that I am sure of, but everything I have survived over all the years. In fact the situation is changing because I have learned a lot since I found out who he is and the way he functions. I now know how to blacken him out of my mind and put him in front of his own poor self. Sometimes I even wonder if I am not becoming PN in return but what the hell !... Don't get me wrong, I am not happy with the situation but I am also not sure I would be happier if I go. What helps me carry on it the fact to talk to my friends and familly about it. Some see my point of view, some don't and some others are of a lot of help by standing up to him and surpporting me in front of him. That's one thing that really makes him flip out! He then tries to put all the blame on me but I have learned to shake it all off with a big grin. I don't know what I can learn you by writing this here but it makes me feel a lot better. Thanks for reading it.
ReplyDeletelack of confidence...maybe you are masochist (loving to get hurt) people around you will let go of you in a while and you will find yourself all alone in this mess. You need to take action and believe that life is a beautiful place with people who can love you for real...Good Luck.
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