Monday, October 11, 2010

The child of perverse


Who am I?

Assertiveness is also very difficult for the child with no real place, it is very difficult to occur except through his understanding of what it should be. He does not claim much, is almost never applicant. He knows he must slip into the costume narrow that sadly has crafted for him, otherwise it will become a stranger. There is no space for contestation, which would be immediately suppressed, and violently repressed. The child receives early in this simulacrum of balance, intolerance of its parent to all forms of difference to anything that does not resemble her. The singularity is taboo.
The discreet but real dictatorship leaves room obviously no room for discussion, exchange of points of view, since nothing is risking to threaten the established order and a sense of omnipotence that defends against the perverse and narcissistic any cons.The child also knows that he can live free, for now he must be silent if he will not be dismissed or face to face his parent to his own nothingness. It does not prevent head-on narcissistic pervert, he often takes refuge in silence, which earned him then be defined as a well-behaved child, a child model that adding a new luster in spite of himself the emblem of narcissism the parent, who, incapable of any empathy, at no time does the artificial makes this attitude.
This silencing any locks in the child verbalize feelings and emotions. The word with the perverse narcissist does revolves around discussions where emotions are reflected not only because they are dangerous for him, might weaken, making it vulnerable to losing its power. His speech, often imbued with a culture under protective, is still serious. " His speech, his thought, must occupy the entire space, so that other than their emotions.Here, we do not effused, we reason. Here, we do not live, you die.

An island in the midst of people

The burden borne by the child's narcissistic pervert has an impact on its relations with the outside world.
In terms of relationships, child in his family shows a high stiffness vis-à-vis the physical contact. The few hugs with the parent are not warm, as if the child is preserved in an unconscious way, a dangerous infection. In everyday life, this physical contact is kept to a minimum, as if to put as much distance between life and death. Note that the narcissistic parent is not him either prone to physical contact.
Socially, it will not be easy for the child to make connections with others. To have lived with a relative intolerance to any difference in the trial and consistently concerned about the appearance he has made it difficult to spontaneity and integration into any one group: the time it will be necessary.

The child of narcissistic pervert, who has learned to survive the tragedy of pretense, has always had in him the insight and very early he would escape the trap of its parent and find that, outside the earth he must conquer in order to live free (unless the manipulations show the outside world as dangerous, in which case it will be caught in a net of contradictions unconscious rather chilling).
Though older, he "knows" he is a survivor, he has missed what could have been buried alive, make silent or worse. That is why they sometimes live rabies pegged to the soul, rage to exist, to say, to say, and especially to share, send. In this duel ultra sophisticated, the perverse narcissist is unable to bring the voice of her child in check, nor wealth, nor his heat.
The vast solitude in which he has been living for years has created a sense of strength and independence, even if it takes time to reveal itself. He grew up alone, became strong and hungry for freedom, he who has been in prison. He will enjoy life in a way that certainly displease his parents, confronted with his own emptiness and its distressing inconsistency. Such is the fate of a child managed to make his suffering the artwork of his life.
However, not every child, before the tragedy of having a parent narcissistic pervert, this potential for struggle and survival. For the majority of them, full of suffering certain symptoms are expressed very early: aggression, night terrors, eating disorders, psychosomatisations, allergies ... All these events express a desire to be loved, watched and heard. Tyrannical, angry, aggressive ... No, it is not temperamental. But in revolt.
In the familial pervert's narcissism, one finds that the child was soon designated as the heir of the parent perverse. He who, generally, is the favorite of the latter, as though he readily acknowledged that would be worthy of him "succeed". Then gradually, a perverse spider weaves.

3 comments:

  1. This is my big distress. My two beautiful children are, (against my wish, on a share custody and their dad is a NP). Is is really true, does a NP have no heart or can they love their children ? Though things seem to be going ok for the time being, I know that a small child won't necessary tell the other parent that they are not happy with the situation for fear of being disloyal to the other. Sometime my son tries to tell me that he would prefer being more with me. Sometime, I feel that my little boy is not totally at ease with his dad. There is nothing I can do. Should I wait patiently that the NP moves away or are my children not in danger? Can their dad truly love them ? I would like to ask children of NP to give me some advice on how to deal with the situation. Because, ok, I'm out of the relationship but not my children. They still live with their dad every second week for a full week. When he won the court case he said to me :"I know the children need to be with you more". But you see, it makes no difference. He carries on with it whatever. My children are so beautiful and kind. And I know they love their dad which is very good. Of course they love their dad. It's natural and normal and they are only 7 and 9. They don't seem to be sad or anything, if fact they seem happy most of the time and their dad does nice things with them sometime, I think, but can he manipulate them and have no emphathy or is everything not always as black and white with a NP ?

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  2. Ask your lawyer to order a custody evaluation and talk to the evaluator about your concerns it is in their best interest to be with you and to have him under some restrain to see them, possibly (which rarely happen) court order to follow therapy. For the best interest of your children and to avoid your children to become like him. Good luck.

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  3. Hi, I'm replying late, but I still hope my testimony will help others.
    As a child of a NP (I am 28 now), I can tell you that he does not love his children. I am the eldest of 3. We are 2 girls and 1 boy. My brother is his favourite, has always been. He has "groomed" him and now my brother is a mini version of my father.

    As a child I was smart, playful and talkative. Now I am introverted and I struggle to have a social life.
    When we were kids, he was nice to us, normal, even. But then we grew up, we started thinking, and having opinions of our own. That's when we started seeing his true face.
    For me it started when I was 13.I cannot count the times he told me that I was stupid, an idiot, that I'd end up in a nuthouse, that my mother had given me "bad blood".
    I cannot count the threats.
    I could not tell anyone, because to our family and friends, he was the perfect father.

    It is when I met my boyfriend (now fiancé) that I slowly realised that I wasn't the problem. I quit my job (I was working with my father), and I found another (better) job. I slowly got my self-esteem back. My father tried to break us up, and he is still trying, while pretending to like my fiancé. I know better now. I had found an article one on NP, while I was very low, feeling crazy, thinking of recording my father when he speaks because I was wondering how I managed to misunderstand him all the time . he lies so easily it is scary! To the point of making you believe that a blue sky is red.

    I have cut him out completely since then. And I am much better. But it is not easy, because my mother does not want to accept what my father is. She keeps finding excuses for him, apologising, etc. And my father uses her to hurt me, but I expect it so I don't show that I'm hurt, and I feign indifference.
    My sister has also cut ties with him, and she is living better now.

    I love my brother, but he is so much like my father! Egotistical, selfish, overly proud. And he manipulates my mother too.

    So my advise to all mothers is to keep your NP as far away from your children as possible. And when they are old enough (teenagers), tell them the truth about their father. Or he will turn them against you. My father did, many times! He will destroy them emotionally.

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I do not speak English very well, If there are people who find errors in translation, thank you for letting me know by comment. Thank you again.